How to decline an invite to a self pity party

How to decline an invite to a self pity party How to Decline An Invite To A Self Pity Party

When you think of a party, you may think of a moment of fun time.  A moment of letting your hair down lol and enjoying yourself.  This is the total opposite outcome of going to a self pity party.  It will drain the life out of you mentally and physically.  It will take your self esteem to a low level. You may forget that hope ever existed.  It will have you comparing your life to others. invite

Now, by looking at the invite above, I would not want to go.  Would you? It would be good to think of this when the invite of self pity party comes.

Self pity includes spending time and energy on what has not or what is not going on right in your life (hurts, hardships, bad times, etc).  One sure way to decline an invite to one of these parties is to change your focus.  Shift your focus to what is going on right and build from that.

For e.g. think about what you are grateful for.  Looking at what you do have is always a great exercise to participate in to make you feel better and help you see the good in you and your life.

Yes, life can sometimes throw some moments and situations that just make you want to scream and say why is this happening.  Here comes an invite to a self pity party. But honestly, what does that solve? Absolutely nothing.  A self pity party is not the answer.

I have been in some situations like that and dwelling on them at a self pity party only made me feel terrible.  I felt like I was drowning and I knew how to swim (I actually do not know how to swim lol but hopefully you get what I am trying to say).

I mean how was that helping me or my situation. It was not.  I had to shift my focus on what was going right (positivity). I had to encourage and motivate myself. I began thinking about my family and our health, we were eating good, we had a roof over our head, we were blessed to see another day, my strengths, etc.

By focusing on the good and my strengths, I was able to start seeing how I could improve my situation instead of feeling sorry for myself.  I was able to evaluate the situation without feeling sorry for myself. When I shift my focus, my actions change.  Self pity is an action that can be change. It is a choice.  You have to identify that you are participating in self pity and confront it head on with the weapon of positivity to shift your focus.

Look at a self pity party like a battle that you know may come and the best way to handle a battle that you know may be coming is to prepare for it. Stop it before it get started, decline the invite.

So, how do you prepare for a self pity battle?  You think ahead. You make a list of your strengths and daily things that are going on right in your life and confront it head on. Train your mind to focus on them.  When something happens that trigger an invite for a self pity party (battle), you pull out your weapon and take care of it.  As soon as it comes, hit it with your weapon of positivity in your life and it will not stand a chance.

Now, if it gets to overwhelming and you need help, seek it. Ask for help.

Being sorry for myself is a luxury that I can not afford-Stephen King

It seems like excuses, worrying, self doubt, self pity are cousins (first cousins lol).  You can use some of the same actions to handle all of them.  It may not be easy at first to adjust but it will get easier the more you do it.  It just take you being intentional and prepared. You have to identify them as soon as they present themselves, and handled them.  Remember, it is your choice.

There is nothing wrong with evaluating situations in life. However to get to a solution, it is better to evaluate a situation in a positive state than in a negative state. Self pity can put you in a negative state.

Let’s motivate and encourage each other. How do you overcome self pity? I would love feedback.

Let’s stay connected.  I would be honored if you check out my Facebook page and like it https://www.facebook.com/JcCeeWatkinsBarney

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62 thoughts on “How to decline an invite to a self pity party

  1. When I go to the pity party, I bring my list of wrongs with me. The party games usually include the making of a bad life decision when I’m there. I will gladly decline the invitation going forward, thank you!

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I can definitely relate to the making of bad life decision there. Yay to declining them going forward!! 🙂

  2. If something REALLY bad is happening in your life, a self-pity party can help you temporarily dissociate from the noise and get you to thinking about the things you do need to change.

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I do agree that taking some time to think about what you need to change is important and effective. I think that it may not be beneficial to participate in self pity because it causes us to look at the bad in us and the situation and we may not make the best decision for us at that time because of all of the emotions we are experiencing. Self pity causes us to feel sorry for ourselves and it is difficult to think in our best interest when we are feeling sorry for ourselves. Since a bad situation may take a lot out of us, I believe taking some time to think of our strengths and evaluate the bad situation when the mind is clearer would be more helpful.

  3. Self-pity parties have attended many of those in my life and never really got me anywhere except feeling worse. I think I best try to avoid them by looking for positive things in life and focus on them instead. I also try to always remind myself it is was is and you just have to make the best of it!

    1. Hey Robin,
      Thanks so much for commenting with words of wisdom. I definitely agree. I love how you end it with “just have to make the best of it.” Have a great day! 🙂

  4. Although I love a party, I think I’ve always had so much going on that there isn’t time to attend a self-pity party! I sometimes wish I could just revel in my own misery for even a short time, but if I did, everything would fall apart, and THEN i’d have a mess to deal with. Better to just pick up and move forward.

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Yes, the temptation does come to revel in it but I agree it would make everything worse. I love how you said, “Better to just pick up and move forward.”

  5. I whole-heartedly agree, JcCee – it might work for some to ‘disassociate,’ but it doesn’t work for me to indulge in a pity party. Sometimes it helps me to make a list of what I can do to facilitate the change I want to see. If I have a plan, I usually have success.

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by Sarah with kind words and sharing your experience. I love lists and a plan sounds great. Your tips are very helpful.

  6. Thank you so much for this. This whole week has gone wrong for me, but today I realised that it really hasn’t been so bad, and things happen for a reason. No point dwelling on it! Move on!

  7. THANK YOU. There are times when God uses the wise words of someone else to meet me just where I’m at; this post is it. Remembering that it’s a choice is critical. Thank you!

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by. That is what I constantly work on is remembering that it is a choice. I am glad that this was helpful for you.

  8. Great post, this week I’ve been in a funk.. Not that I’m having a pity party, but just feeling a bit overwhelmed. Time to just focus a little harder and do the best I can… Nice work.

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your experience. I am glad that you found it helpful. All we can do is our best. I hope the funk has pass you by.

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by. You are right, it is not helpful but it is so easy to do. That is why we have to equipped ourselves with positive tips so when it comes, we know what to do to stop it.

  9. I have thrown myself many self pity parties. I use to think the more I cried and begged God to give me whatever it was I wanted, the more likely He would intervene. Yeah, God was like “I see you, but I am so unbothered.” Great tips. I will try to remember them the next time I feel the urge to throw a pity party.

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your experience. I have definitely been there before. I had to learned that God time and our time are not the same and it is for our best interest that it is not.

  10. Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes it’s hard to step away from any party…even a pity party….but it’s something we need to do. Stop focusing on the bad and look for the good. Thanks again.

  11. I have a few people in my life that shall remain nameless and I call them the “energy vampires.” They try to suck the life out of me with their pity parties and woe is me stories. I. Don’t. Let. Them!

  12. If I feel the need to have a pity party, I usually set a time limit on it. I will give myself time to acknowledge those feelings but then, it is time to move on and take some action to feel better.

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your experience. That is good that you can set a time limit. I would have difficulty having one and setting a time limit. I do participate in a process like yours of acknowledging the feelings, moving on, and taking some action.

  13. Good post. Some recent events in my life are situations that have not turned out like I hoped that they would, so this is a good reminder that I need to stop spending the energy fretting about what I cannot control and change, and move on. Life is still good and I have much to be thankful for! 🙂

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your experience. I am glad that you found it helpful. Yes, life is good and it takes time sometimes to shift focus from what we can not change to what we can.

  14. Thanks for posting this. Its a really timely reminder we need to be kind out ourselves and grateful for the good in our lives instead of dwelling on the negatives or negative self talk. ❤

  15. I use to have lots of pity parties but I have learned they just drag you down and make you feel worse. Instead I have a good laugh when I start having a bad day and remind myself how far I have come!! Love this post, thanks for sharing!

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your experience with some great advice. I can definitely relate. I use to have a lot of them too. Looking at progress is always beneficial.

  16. All good points. It is wasted energy to have this type of party. When I catch myself heading this way (because we all do, from time to time), I like to read motivational or inspirational quotes. Once I’ve read a few , it knocks me out of that mode! Then I start counting my blessings…

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! I also love motivational/inspirational quotes. They have helped me out tremendously also.

  17. This was such a great read, JcCee. And it’s exactly what has been going on for me and why I have been absent for the last three months. My post today explains everything.
    Instead of moving forward and sticking to my goals, I allowed one rejection to take over my mind. This one rejection was from a huge publishing company that I have loved and admired ever since I was a child. After that moment, I started taking steps back instead of forward.
    Thank you for sharing this. Your words are helping me to stay true to myself and all of the success I will continue to chase after.

    1. Oh, I am so sorry that you went through that, Gina! Rejection can be painful and it can cause us to question our abilities. You are very talented. You have been doing amazing work with the kids and you have been putting in work with your writing and I know there is something better out there for you. I am so glad that you are moving forward because the right opportunity is still out there for you. Continue to chase!!! 🙂

  18. Reblogged this on Lewin Motivator Carr and commented:
    love it…… very good post. We must train our mind to stay focus on the positive or at least be vigilant when it goes to negatives and switch right back. Our ability to manage our STATE is key, as problems will come and they tend to come right at the moment when a golden opportunity lurks. If you cannot stay positive you will blow it. Pour positive references into your mind so you can draw on them from when you must. Keep up the good work Jcee

    1. Thanks so much for the reblog and your words of wisdom! I totally agree. Times definitely come where we have to draw from the positive. We have to work on keeping that tank full. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day, Lewin!

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