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Your New Life Is Going To Cost You Your Old One

 

 

Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.
It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked, and understood.
Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side.
And you’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.
And instead of liked, you’re going to be loved.
Instead of understood, you’re going to be seen.
All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Let it go.

Brianna Wiest

First, let me say. These words resonated with me. While I was reading these words from Brianna Wiest, I wonder how that would look in words.  I mean, I know what it looks like personally. I guess I wanted to know how I could put the process into words for others to see that they are not alone.

I felt what she was saying. How could I elaborate more on these words from my point of view? How could I go a little bit farther?

The reward is beautiful. The process is not appealing or wrapped up in a pretty box.

There are moments in the process where it gets confusing, lonely, challenging, etc.  There are a lot of changes taking place in the process.

 While on the journey to your new life, you will find yourself going through all the events Brianna mentions in her words above. You will find yourself in a struggle with the old you also. The old you is not going down without a fight.

You will have to tap into your inner strength and keep in mind that your new life is for the better and fight for it.

How does one fight for this new life during the process without getting lost in the mix?

How does one get through this process easier? There is no secret to making it an overall easy process. You can make the process easier. If that makes sense.

I am not a doctor or psychiatrist. I am only sharing my thoughts and experience.

There is a theme for everything we encounter. If you think about it, change is the theme regarding when you are going to the next level in your life or getting to your new life.

There are a bunch of changes going on. It can sometimes feel overwhelming. Let’s not forget your comfort zone companion. It likes to rear its head during that time.

If you learn to embrace change, your comfort zone won’t stand a chance.

When you embrace change, you can move on to creating new habits that align with the new you.

Old habits will continue to try and show up because they do not want to leave. They have found comfort in your life. With your new way of doing things, comes change.

You may fall out of alignment with some people also. Don’t feel bad. You are not saying that they are bad people. It just means y’all time together has run its course.

 Change is not comfortable. That is why it is important to learn how to embrace change. It is a process.

The process is not easy but remember that Your new life is worth it.

.So, how does one embrace change?

Have you heard of emotional intelligence?

Let’s talk about it for a minute or few. I will touch the surface a little bit.

According to Connelly (2020), emotional intelligence involves a set of skills that helps a person to understand, control, and manage emotions or feelings, as well as the emotion of others.

Emotional intelligence focuses on how our lives can improve when we are operating in awareness, control and management of our feelings and the emotions of other people.

Emotional intelligence gives us the abilities to control our emotions so we are not reacting prematurely or irresponsibly to others. 

It helps us to learn how to exercise waiting and taking time out before we respond.  We know why we are doing what we are doing and not simply prematurely reacting. 

We also learn how to see where others are coming from with their emotions and feelings. 

Connelly (2020) also discussed how Daniel Goleman in “Emotional Intelligence : Why It Can Matter More Than IQ stated that emotional intelligence is made up of four key components.  Craig (2020) discussed a fifth key component, motivation.

They are:

Self Awareness

Take time out to identify your feelings, emotions, and how situations make you feel.

Self Management

In self-awareness, you identified your feelings & emotions. Since you can identify them, you can control how you react. You will think before you respond. This is self-management. You feel the feels but you don’t react out of them. In this skill, you learn that your response does not have to relate to how you feel.

Social Awareness

You pay attention and understand how others feel. You will take time out and show empathy to others. To effectively show empathy, you must know yourself (which you learned in self-awareness).

Relationship Management

You will manage relationships by being aware of how others respond to you. You will participate in productive relationships.

Quick note: According to Craig (2020), a fifth key component is motivation. Craig also give an in depth explanation on emotional intelligence. Click here to read more.

Motivation

In emotional intelligence, the motivation it is referring to is intrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation encourages you to meet personal goals and needs. 

We have talked about the components of EQ. Let’s get to how it helps with managing change in a way that will benefit you.

So, how does emotional intelligence tie in with embracing change? We have already established several changes that take place when you are forming a new life. I will insert Brianna’s words here for a reminder.

Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction.
It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked, and understood.
Because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side.
And you’re going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward.
And instead of liked, you’re going to be loved.
Instead of understood, you’re going to be seen.
All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Let it go.

Brianna Wiest

She talks about a lot of changes. Let’s not forget the struggle you will have with the old you. Remember the old you is not going out without a fight.” 

Changes are taking place all over during the process.

Learning how to embrace change is necessary. Change is all around us.

Look at this year!

I repeat. Look at this year!

With the skills developed learning emotional intelligence (EQ), you can become aware of changes, how you feel about changes, and manage how you respond to them.

EQ provides you with the skills to manage change.

It is necessary to know how to respond to change. It reduces or eliminates most stressors that may be created through change.

Derven (2018) discussed how change causes us to activate strong emotions. This may encourage tunnel vision and reduce effective options.  She goes on to explained six ways in which EQ can be use as a tool in managing change

They are:

Migrate stress

EQ helps you to identify and manage stress before it gets out of control

Increase learning agility 

EQ helps you to want to continue to learn. You will be Ok with adapting and stepping out of your comfort zone.

Promote employee recognition

EQ helps you to control temper reactions and find self worth in other areas of life if you’re feeling undervalued at work.

Make Better decisions

EQ helps you to make better decisions that will yield long term results instead of short term feel goods in the moment.

Take productive action

EQ helps you look at things from a better perspective & look at all possible options before making a decision.

Recover from Adversity

Things don’t always go as plan. When it does not work out, EQ helps you to look within for strength, confidence, and look at bettering your situation by participating in productive actions.

If you think about it, all of these can be components of change. Derven shows you how EQ can help you embrace change.

Sometimes we anticipate change but there are times when we don’t.  It just comes out of the blue. It may be beneficial to have a blueprint already in place to go by to help with it.

Read her article here to learn more

In using EQ, you can differentiate between the situation and how you feel. You don’t tie the way you respond to a situation to your feelings.

Instead of reacting or responding swiftly, you stop and identify how you feel. Next, you give yourself time to respond in a way that will help you in a positive way.

You do not respond to feelings alone. You think of others also.

You will motivate yourself.

You can take the same approach when managing change. As I mentioned earlier, change activates strong emotions.

Using the skills in EQ will help you to embrace change in a way that does not leave you overwhelmed and stressed out.

In conclusion, your new life is going to cost you your old life. You will have to do away with old habits and create new ones.  Change is a big part of the process.

Learning how to manage or embrace change is the way to see it through. EQ may provide skills to help you.

While EQ is helping you embrace change, it is also helping you to embrace your new LIFE. 

Remember it is beautiful on the other side. You deserve it.

Now you understand how to embrace change. You want your new life. You ready to let the old one go. It takes a process.

As you know, anything you try to accomplish in life, stumbling blocks such as excuses like to rear their ugly heads.

Let’s focus on how to stop them in their tracks. If you made it to the end of this post, you are on a ball. Keep going. Get your fav drink and click here for a detailed blog post on tips to stop excuses.

 

Before I exit the building, here are quick deets on the outfit in the pictures.  The blouse, pants, and white boots came from Forever 21.

Until next time

Sources:

Connelly, M. (2020). What Is Emotional Intelligence? Retrieved from https://www.change-management-coach.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence.html

Connelly, M. (2020). Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved from https://www.change-management-coach.com/emotional-intelligence.html

Craig, H. (2020). The Theories of Emotional Intelligence Explained. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/emotional-intelligence-theories/

Derven, M. (2018). Is Emotional Intelligence the Key to Effective Change Management. Retrieved from https://www.td.org/insights/is-emotional-intelligence-the-key-to-effective-change-management

 

5 thoughts on “Your New Life Is Going To Cost You Your Old One

  1. I love this✨ I recently wrote something similar to this, entitled the art of becoming. And I think it’s important for us to understand that there’s no growth in the comfort zone. If we really want to change we gonna have to adopt new ways for the birth of a new us. ✨

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