10 Ways To Increase Self Esteem

When you don’t feel good about yourself, it creates a world of stagnation and hopelessness. It is necessary to keep self-esteem in check to have a good state of mind.  Many of our decisions are intertwined into self-esteem.  If you think you don’t have what it takes to get that job, you may not try.  If you think that you can’t go back to school and get a degree, you probably won’t try.  If you think you do not have what it takes to start a blog, you probably won’t start it.  If you think no one will read a book you write, you probably won’t write it.

If you think that you can not make it living in another state, you probably won’t move.   If you think you can’t attract positive people in life, you probably won’t. If you think that you can’t have a successful life, you probably won’t.  And this can go on and on but why? I mean why? Who told you all of this? Where did these thoughts come from?  Just because they come to your mind does not mean you have to agree with them.

For real though, why are these thoughts setting up residency in your head? When I think about why they were living in my head, I think about the way I was feeling about myself. I was feeling like ain’t (yes ain’t) no way I could achieve what I was wanting.  When I chickened out, it is because I second, third, fourth, who I am kidding lol, fifty guess myself by thinking, well over thinking that I am not good enough, I do not have what it takes, why would this happen for me, etc.  You know crazy thoughts like that.

And this brings me to self-esteem. Self esteem deals with how we value ourselves including worth. The times I chickened out, I couldn’t grasp the value that I bring to whatever it is that I wanted to do.  I couldn’t grasp the skills that I will develop by trying.  I couldn’t grasp the beauty of learning that I will acquire if it didn’t work out.  I couldn’t grasp the possibilities of the positives that will result in my decision to give it a try. I couldn’t grasp the doors that would open because I took the first step.  I couldn’t grasp the growth that I would gain. Do you see what I lost by chickening out.

So, how do we keep self-esteem in check? I would call it an ongoing process. We participate in daily activity that helps us develop positive self-esteem. I don’t think that there is one particular thing to do but a summation of many.  I know there are many ways but I am going to share a few.

Take Risks

The experiences that come with taking risks are priceless. You will learn things about yourself that help you identify your value and increase your worth. Things that were always there but you hadn’t given them permission to come out yet. You will surprise, even impress yourself.

Self Care

It is important to take care of yourself. Giving your body and mind what it needs helps you think clearly and helps you to develop the mindset to see the good and positives in yourself. Make sure to get some self-care moments in throughout the week.

Surround yourself with supportive people

A positive support system is critical when it comes to self-esteem. There have been times that I was feeling some type of way about myself and my support system was able to remind me of my strengths and positives.

Love on yourself

When you love on yourself, you learn what you really like and want in life not what society or people have told you. When you love yourself, some things and people you will not accept in your life. For e.g. negative, toxic people & negative media hinders your thinking process believe it or not. You will not accept that type of negativity in your life.

Exercise

Exercise can help you feel better mentally and physically by the endorphins that are release. When you feel better, you think better. Simple, right?

Have fun

Sometimes we get so tied down with responsibilities in life until we forget that we use to have fun. Take time out and enjoy yourself. Have fun and soak up those fun and joyful feelings that go through your body.

Help others

When you help others, it benefits both parties. It provides assistance to the person in need and it creates a helper’s high for the giver and may reduce stress studies have found. It is always a great feeling to make a difference in someone else’s life.

Manage fear

Most times we like to run from fear or block it but fear could be useful if we look at it in a certain way. Some fear is necessary to survive in life. For e.g. fear will come to mind when it is dark and you are going to your car alone at midnight. If you can avoid it, you may decide not to do that. For e.g. fear can help you see what steps you may need to take when you are taking a chance in life.

Instead of letting fear stop you, let it help you. Turn the negative into a positive. Does that make sense? For e.g, when we move to another state where we did not know anyone, fear was in my head daily. It didn’t stop me from wanting to go but it made me look up good neighborhoods and schools for the kids. I was able to use it in a positive way.

Don’t participate in comparison

Everyone is not on the same journey in life.  Comparison can be dangerous to self-esteem. For e.g. you looking at a person who had tried again, again and again and they finally succeed at their goals and it is profitable to them. You weren’t there for all of the failed attempts but you see the final time they tried and got it right.

So, you look at your life and get depress because you are not where you want to be at yet. You’re not taking in consideration that person’s journey and what they had to go through to get to where you see them at now.  Trust your journey and that you are where you suppose to be at this moment.

Self compassion

When it comes to compassion, you always hear talk or read discussion about showing or giving compassion to others, but what about giving compassion to yourself. Don’t get me wrong. Showing compassion to others is great and needed in this world we live in. I can’t help but to think how helpful self compassion could be in the part we play in the overall scheme of things.

We are imperfect individuals and will mess up sometimes and we need to be OK with that. We can be so hard on ourselves. We mess up and act like it is the end of the world. We treat ourselves bad and talk down to ourselves. This can help create a negative view of self.  By giving ourselves compassion, we treat ourselves with tender loving care and provide comfort. This gives us a chance to bounce back, get back up, or keep going.

The mind is powerful and it can play tricks on you if you let it. Well, really you find yourself playing tricks on yourself. This is why is it important to be mindful of self esteem, learn what drives it, and how it helps guide your decisions.  I have taken chances and everything that I thought I couldn’t grasp, I did.

Those chances turned out to be beautiful experiences wrapped in knowledge, scary, advancement, growth resulting in empowerment. And there have been times that I didn’t take the chance and wonder what if. I am in a place in my life that I would rather take the chance and be Ok with how it turns out than wonder what if. How about you?

What ways do you use to increase self-esteem?

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6 Steps To Eliminate Excuses

This was originally posted on here 10/11/14.  I decided to republish it because I enjoyed it and it is a helpful reminder to not let excuses deter us

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Stumbling blocks have the potential to cause regression towards a goal.   Excuses are stumbling blocks that lead to failure or not even trying.  Phrases such as “I can’t” or “I don’t have time” should be toss to the bottom of the ocean without the ability to come back up when it comes to the betterment of your life.  Those phrases should be replace with I can or I will make time.  Anybody that has accomplished any goals in life did not give energy to excuses.    Excuses cause you to be stagnant.  Excuses are designed to demolish your hopes and dreams.

Excuses are tools that cause you to participate in self-defeat.  Who knew that you had the power to create damaging tools? Who knew that you  had the power to destroy your hopes and dreams?  I often hear individuals mention stumbling blocks from others but what about the stumbling blocks call excuses that they create for themselves.

When I looked back over my life and reflect on goals that I have accomplished, I noticed that I use some valuable tools  throughout the process but excuses were not a part of them.  There have been times when I said, I can’t or I just don’t have time but I had to push those negative thoughts (excuses) out of my mind.  When I let excuses controlled me, I didn’t attempt to try to accomplished goals.  I didn’t even really make goals.  I mean if I want something to change in my life,  I had to look at excuses for what they were (stumbling blocks).  So, I had to invest time in myself and put in the work.  I had to believe in myself.  When it comes to the betterment of your life, it is imperative to make time.  Your life is valuable.  You are important, you are special, & you deserve it.

It would be beneficial to sit down and create solutions instead of drooling in excuses. Excuses will take control over your life.  You may not even recognize yourself.  You may compare your life to others.  You may express how  you do not have as much time as someone else to get things done (that is an excuse sneaking in it).  It is not about anyone else time but about how you can work with the time that you have.  It’s about learning how to make your time beneficial for you.  It may be easier to blame others instead of understanding the responsibility you  have in the situation.  You have the power to take control back over your life.  Here is a process that I use to help eliminate excuses and move forward.  It may help whether it be work or personal related.

1.  Take a look at the situation and write down a desired outcome.  Write down the goals you want to accomplish.

2.  Conduct research regarding solutions concerning the situation. Invest time in yourself.  Ask for help if needed.

3.  Develop a list with solutions including the steps to go along with them.

4.  Create a schedule and time frame to complete the steps in the solution.

5.  Make time and follow through the steps. Sometimes you may have to adjust this process. That is alright.  You are a work in progress.  Never give up on yourself.  Make sure to celebrate your progression.

6.  Goal accomplished. You took control back over your life. You eliminated excuses by focusing on solutions. Celebrate. You did it!

So, the next time that inner voice says, I can’t, you tell it I can and I will.  I am important, I am worth it, and I deserve it!

By spending time on creating and progressing towards the solution, you will not have any time to entertain excuses.  You will have eliminated excuses out of your mindset by feeding the mind positive information regarding solutions.  It is important for you to remember to invest in yourself.  By participating in the process of creating and progressing toward solutions, you gain some positive attributes.  Three are positive self-esteem, confidence,  and hope.  These positive attributes will spill into all aspects of life.  You will find yourself having the courage to tackle and achieved more goals.

How do you eliminate or tackle excuses?  I would love feedback.

Let’s stay connected.  I would be honored if you check out my Facebook page and like it https://www.facebook.com/JcCeeWatkinsBarney

This has been shared on Link It To Me.

If you enjoyed this post, you may like 6 Ways To Say No To Negative Self Talk.

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5 Steps To Be Kind To Yourself

5 Steps To Be Kind To Yourself

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There are times when we carefully watch what we say to others.   When we know a friend is going through a time of feeling bad.  We sit there and take our sweet time trying to get the right words together to uplift a friend but we give ourselves maybe a minute if that much and speak negative words to ourselves when we are feeling bad. We find ourselves caring deeply for their feelings but what about the times that we deny ourselves the same treatment.

You may wonder what times?  You know, the times when you find yourself saying negative words to yourself about what you did not finish yet, or maybe the time when you felt that you were not good enough, or even the time when you thought you could have done a task in a better way.  This list can go on and on.  It would be beneficial to give yourself the same treatment that you would give a friend in these type of situations.

Be careful of how you are talking to yourself because you are listening-Lisa M. Hayes

Have you notice how we are some of the worst critics when it comes to ourselves? I mean we can really beat ourselves up with negative words.  I mean, there have been times in life that if there was a boxing match going on between me and myself (the worst critic with negative words), myself will beat me with a knock out in the 1st round.  Thank God for growth.

Remember the post I wrote about 6 Ways To Say No To Self Negative Talk.  Negative words will keep you stuck.  They do not help the situation.  They just take us further into the world of negativity and breaks us down.  Breaks us down into a fragile state.  We began doubting other abilities that we may have.  It is difficult to get anything done positive in a fragile state.

One of the best steps you can do for yourself is Be Kind To Yourself.  This is not the only step in life that will yield positivity but it is right up there in the list of Big Ones. Is it always easy to be kind to yourself?  Not at first if you are your worst critic, but as you participate in daily activities that are geared toward loving on yourself, it will become easy to develop kindness toward yourself. With kindness, you speak positive words into your mind.  You build yourself up instead of tearing yourself down.  You show compassionate to yourself.

When you be kind to yourself, you open the door to produce greatness because you began to think good about yourself.  This leads to believing in yourself and achieving goals in life.  This helps you allow peace into your life.  I encourage you to take some time and choose your words carefully because when you talk to yourself, you are listening-Lisa M. Hayes

I have created a list of  5 Simple Ways That Are Geared Toward Me Loving On Myself Which Lead To Me Being Kind To Myself that have been helpful to me 

  1. Forgive yourself– No one is perfect.
  2. Magnify your strengths– We all have strengths and positive characteristics.  Thinking about what I am good at is always empowering.
  3. Participate in self-care techniques-This helps reduce the impact of daily stressors and allow peace in my life.  Pampering also makes me feel good about myself.
  4. Make some positive affirmations that you can review daily-Speak positive words into my mind help remove negative words from my though process.
  5. Make a list of ways to encourage yourself-By creating this list, I have a built-in cheerleader

When I participate in these steps and love on myself, I am equipping my mind with positivity which makes it easy for me to be kind to myself.  It is easy for me to say kind words to myself like I would a friend because the kindness is already there for me to tap into.   If you would like to read further about self-care techniques, I shared some techniques in my post about 5 Tips To Reduce Stress.  About a couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post on 5 Simple Ways To Encourage Yourself that you may find helpful.

I know you may have a busy schedule but I hope this post give you a moment to think about the importance of being kind to yourself.

Update:  I have created a printable just for you.

Free printable 5 tips to be kind to yourself

Download here

How do you be kind to yourself?  If  you have some tips on how to be kind to yourself,  I would love for you to share them.

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If you enjoyed this post,  you may also like 5 Quotes That May Inspire And Empower You.

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3 Ways To Add Happiness To Life

3 Ways To Add Happiness To  Life

 

Happiness involves the daily acts of choices you make in life and how you view life’s situation.  You see, happiness is a choice.  It took me a while to really grasp this but I am so glad that I did.  It is not a destination or an end result.  Even though I am a work in progress, I now understand that happiness derives from the choices that I choose to make daily and how I choose to view what is going on.  I pick my happiness.  I do not have to wait on it.  I can find some happiness in everyday.

The other day as I was looking out the window at the sun shining and enjoying a cup of coffee, I got a glimpse of the quote above sitting on my desk and I was so grateful for realizing the happiness in my life.  So I began to think about what I participate in that gives me happiness or what helps me allow room or space to be happy, receive happiness, and embrace happiness. I began to think of what I participate in that allows room in my mind and life for happiness.  I believe that we have to be open to receiving happiness.  I believe that we have to believe that we deserve happiness.

I thought about the 3 things listed below

1. Being Grateful

Taking inventory of the good things in life is always needed.  It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking of all of the wrong that is going on but this just destroys the chance of having happiness in your life.  By taking inventory of the good things or moments, the mind gets to relax and it sends positive energy throughout the body that can be beneficial physically also.  Positive energy makes it easier to find happiness.

2.  Being content.  

Life moves so fast until the idea of contentment can become lost.  There is nothing wrong with making goals or working on completing them but don’t forget to enjoy the moment of life where you are at now.  I used to not enjoy some moments in life because I was not where I wanted to be in life yet.  I was waiting until a certain thing or event happen to be happy.  I was not content with life and missed enjoying beautiful moments that were happening at that present time.  I didn’t enjoy the progression.  After each accomplishment, I always had the next accomplishment to tackle in my mind.  In life’s journey, there may be stormy days but not always because the sun always come out.  Take time to enjoy the sun.

 Another part of contentment can involve comparison.  Stay focus on your journey not anyone’s else.  Your journey was design just for you.  Trust that everything is happening when it should.  It can be easy to fall into the trap of comparison but this just destroys the chance of having happiness in your life.  No two journeys of life are the same.  You don’t want to miss your progression looking at someone’s else journey.

3.  Being Alone 

Don’t give all of yourself to others.  Leave some time to be alone.  By having some alone time, you give yourself room to provide some self care.   Self care is just as important as caring for others.  I know this can sometimes be difficult but it is so necessary.  By eliminating self care, the chance of having happiness in your life is very slim.  Take some alone time for yourself.  Enjoy the moments of doing nothing.  Let your mind and body take a break.  The rejuvenation that comes with having some alone time is great.  It makes it easier to be open to happiness.

Have you noticed how you can help the same person over and over again but he or she does not change or improve.  The change will not come until he or she is ready.  I think this can be applied to happiness.  You have to be open to the idea that you can be happy and that you deserve to be happy.  This is when you will begin to find happiness daily in your life.

By participating in all three above:

It allows room for happiness to come in.   It allows  you to be open to happiness.  It reduces the chances of negativity in your life. 

I really don’t think that there is a big ole magic trick or some secret that only a select few in life have access to add or find happiness.  It is simply the daily acts of the choices we make in life and how we choose to view life’s situation.  We decide what our happiness will be.  We have a choice.

What behaviors do you participate in that help bring happiness in your life?

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